Doubt
by Airplane
Summary: Her only identity is as the latest version of the Princess.  She should be fair.  She should be wise.  She should be exactly like her predecessor.   Modern Hyrule


The Princess showed an interest in driving. She saw young people her age on television and in movies go through the trials of license tests, the dedicated discomfort of saving up for second-hand cars, and the joy of riding free with friends and nowhere to go. She wanted to do that.

The desire grew within her for quite some time, building up pressure and bubbling up to the surface to finally break free from her lips. As soon as she gave the hope voice, she wished she could snatch the words back.

The Sage of Spirit lifted an eyebrow. "You want to _what_?"

The Princess bowed her head. "Nothing."

"Drive?"

"Not really."

"Then why'd you bring it up?"

"I just… thought it would be fun."

"Hrumpf."

It was too late. The idea was already loose. Hadn't she told herself time and time again to remain silent when these little frivolous cravings arose? Why hadn't she learned by now? Goddesses, why did she have to be so stupid all the time? She buried her face in her book and made herself small and quiet for the rest of the day.

* * *

The Sage of Light scoffed that night in his study. "She is a princess. She doesn't need to drive. She has people to drive for her. And where does she want to go? No, it's too strange."

"What could it hurt?" the Sage of Water asked. "It's not like it will cut into her studies. There's not any danger in her just learning. Especially if it's done somewhere isolated. And we'll be watching her like a hawk."

The old man looked at her like she had gone crazy. "Do you know how dangerous automobiles are?"

"Good gracious! Do you?"

"Don't take that tone with me."

She crossed her arms over her chest. "It's not like she ever asks for anything."

"She has nothing to ask for! She's a princess. She has everything she needs." He really didn't understand why the discussion was continuing.

"Yes, yes," the Sage of Water sighed, "But what I'm saying is that she's not exactly spoiled rotten. She's usually very quiet about what she wants. I think she may even be afraid to ask for things."

"Don't be stupid. She's not _afraid_."

The junior sage rolled her eyes and changed tracks. "It's a very normal thing for a teenage girl to want to do."

"But she is not a normal teenage girl."

"No, but I'm sure it wouldn't hurt to have some measure of normalcy in her life."

"Pah!"

"All her friends are probably driving."

"What friends?"

"Goddesses! Do you even hear yourself? The poor kid's got no friends, no social life, and spends her days in a stuffy old castle with a bunch of old sages and politicians. Be reasonable, Alvyn! She's a sweet girl and the least we could do for her is take her out to Hyrule Field for an hour twice a week and let her mosey around in one of the royal station wagons."

"And you're going to teach her this, are you?"

"I… well…" She looked away from him and his very good point.

He smirked. "Exactly."

* * *

The Princess' earliest memory was of the Sage of Light. She had been three years old and it had been the day that she had been presented to the kingdom. After three years of searching, the Sages had found the Princess' reincarnation. All the people of the land celebrated that once again Zelda was with them.

She held onto this memory so clearly because it was not only her earliest recollection, but also the only memory she had of the parents that had given birth to her.

She remembered the flare of twenty trumpets. The purple and gold confetti wafted through the air like metallic snow and covered the streets of Castle Town square so thickly that it looked as though the ancient cobblestones were made of tiny scraps of twinkling paper. The autumn air smelled of sweet fried dough.

It was like a fairy tale.

The Sage of Water kept repeating that to her in a whisper as if saying it enough would make it true.

It was like a fairy tale.

But the thing she remembered even more clearly than the roar of cheers from the crowd of citizens assembled in the square below and the pretty, new dress she wore in cream and violet, were the tears and sad eyes of a thin, frail looking woman. Her husband held her as if to comfort and restrain her. The man had no face in her memory.

With one cold, gnarled hand on her back, the Sage of Light led her towards the balcony to see and be seen by the crowd. As she looked back over her shoulder, the woman tried to smile but failed miserably and finally broke down completely, crumpling into her husband's arms.

* * *

She couldn't remember the name her parents had given her. The sages always called her Zelda. She was the reincarnation of the Princess, the chosen of Nayru, the keeper of the Triforce of Wisdom. Zelda. Her name was Zelda and this was like a fairy tale.

For a while she asked about her parents. The sages always responded the same way. "You are the Princess. The King is your father. Would you like to see him now?"

King Harkinian was the son of the last Zelda - of her last life. When she grew up and became Queen she too would have a son and she would name him Harkinian and when she died her son would raise her next incarnation. So it had been and so it would be again. Harkinian was her son and her father, and he looked at her with confusion in his blue eyes. He would talk to her as if she had the answers that he lacked – as if she had the same great wisdom as the former Queen. When she spoke to him he would frown as if she said something unexpected or out of character, as if she had done something wrong, as if she was not who he wanted her to be. He quickly grew frustrated with her childish ignorance and would dismiss her with a furrowed brow and a wave of his hand.

After a time she stopped asking to see her parents as the sages would just send her to the King and she derived no comfort from those meetings.

Over the next several years she told herself that she would see her parents again. She would do everything that the sages asked of her. She would play along. She would win their trust. Then, when they least expected it, she would strike out alone and reunite with her true family. But now the act had become reality. She had forgotten where they lived or what their names were or what her mother looked like when she was not sobbing. She had forgotten why she would want to be in their company, why she at one time craved to be in their arms.

* * *

She was the keeper of the Triforce of Wisdom, and it was therefore assumed that she would possess remarkable intelligence. Every time she struggled with her lessons, every time she said something vapid, and every time she miscalculated the tone of a social encounter just strengthened her belief that the sages' trust had been misplaced. After a time she began to understand that the sages were silently fearing this as well.

Her Triforce did not awaken and she showed no magical talent for much farther into her adolescence than was customary. The sages told her that her anxiety was unjustified and the Triforce would appear in due time. However late at night, behind closed doors they murmured in sacrilegious whispers as to why it was taking so long. Secretly the Fire Sage began a search of the _real_ Princess, the girl who would be able to defeat Ganondorf when his reincarnation appeared and thus keep their country safe.

She prayed to Nayru every night for her position as Princess to be justified. She prayed for a sign. She prayed for wisdom. She prayed that she would live up to the expectations surrounding her. Then she would lie awake and wonder what would become of her if some other girl appeared at the castle gates. The girl would be beautiful and fair, poised and self assured, and wise beyond her years. The girl would take her proper place and dismiss the false Princess with compassion and grace, while the sages would mark her as an imposter, a usurper. She prayed to Nayru every morning that the other girl would appear and she would be allowed to go home in disgrace. Then after all the disappointed looks she received during the waking hours, she would pray yet again at night for her Triforce to awaken.

* * *

She peered out from behind one of the columns aligning the marble hall to watch the arrival of a delegation from the desert. She feared that she would be shooed away by the sages or that she would be spotted by the foreigners.

They were strange women in bright silks that made them stand out in the lackluster monotony of the castle. The Princess knew that standing out was not approved of by the sages. They bared their caramel skin as though it was not indecent. They stood tall and proud, like warriors, like a daring inspiration. The Princess felt fear and awe grow in her chest like a burning ember.

She watched as they spoke quietly to one another, and she ducked back behind her pillar and held her breath as one of them gestured in her direction. After several tense heartbeats, she leaned around again to watch, only to find one of the women standing before her, an amused smile just visible beneath her veil.

"You should avoid swift movements," the woman said. "Such actions draw attention to yourself. If you must move then do so slowly, like a tree branch that sways in the wind."

The Princess blinked at her in confusion, but the woman continued. "Avoid showing your silhouette. In this room, the light comes from there," she pointed down the hall away from the throne room. "When you stick your head out from this pillar, anyone on that side can see your outline. You are better off over there," she pointed towards the entrance to the throne room where the rest of her party had assembled. "Keep yourself in shadow. Dim your inner flame."

The Princess did not know what to say, but the Gerudo woman simply laughed and plopped down cross-legged beside her on the floor.

"Come and sit with me, daughter. I will tell you of the Gerudo and the valiant hearts that beat within their breasts."

* * *

Nyla, the Gerudo woman, spun the Princess many great stories of the desert. They sat together on the cool tile of the hallway until late into the afternoon, when the Sage of Fire spotted them, gave Nyla a look of distaste, and sent the Princess on her way.

Gerudo women rarely gave birth to male children. When they did, it was a great blessing to be celebrated – as every child was. Boys were named in the ancient tongue after the first male leader of their tribe, who saved them all from the demon boar king and lead them a safe home in the desert. Ganondorf. "Pride of the Gerudos."

Of course they were well aware that the Hylians associated the name with Ganondorf the Dark King, who covered the land in pain and twilight. The Hylians feared anyone named Ganondorf, and found the Gerudo to be distasteful in their propagation of the name.

They simply did not understand.

In fact, the Hylians feared the return of the Dark King so much that they projected these feelings onto the entire Gerudo tribe. They were forced out of their homes and into the desert. They were thrown into poverty and sickness, where one of the few means of survival was thievery. The tribe was left powerless in government as more and more was taken from them. They were subjugated to prejudice and slander as the Hylians spread rumors of their many offensive activities.

"Hide your children or the Gerudo will take them in the night and raise them as nomads and criminals." "Hide your husbands or the Gerudo will bewitch them and dupe them into infidelity."

The worst part was that every boy child would one day grow into a man who would be killed at the hands of the Hylians. They would send an assassin with golden hair and a silver sword and piercing, vengeful eyes. One Gerudo boy was killed while unarmed and heading goats. One was killed in front of his two daughters. One had scarcely grown his first beard.

The Gerudo did not see this as fate. No. The boys of the tribe were no more the Dark King than were the girls. Along similar lines, they did not believe that the boys' deaths were written in stone. They may come out of the battle with the assassin victorious. They may be able to kill the assassin before he even left Castle Town (although preemptive strikes were not the Gerudo way.) The boy could be hidden and live out his days happily in secret (of course this was seen as cowardly and also not the Gerudo way.)

They were a people of tradition. They were proud. And the Hylians did not understand.

* * *

The Princess bit her lip and stared at her book. She had a question, but it was a stupid question. She glanced up at the Sage of Shadow, who was completing his own work as the Princess finished her assigned reading for the day.

"… Shantu?"

"Yes, Princess?"

She paused, not exactly sure how to phrase her question. "… Why is the Triforce of Power bad?"

The Sage looked up at her, perplexed.

"What I mean to say is that the bearer of the Triforce of Power brings evil. But why would the Goddess Din choose someone cruel to be her champion? I thought that the goddesses were benevolent. And why would the other two goddesses allow such a thing?"

It was blasphemy to question the goddesses' motives. Especially for the Princess to do so. But she was genuinely confused.

"The Triforce is not evil. Din is most definitely not evil." He shot her a glare and she felt her cheeks heat with embarrassment. "It is how the bearer of the Triforce uses its power that can be either good or bad. I believe that you already know this, Your Highness."

"But… then why is the bearer of the Triforce of Power _always_ bad?"

"He. Just. Is." the Sage snapped, indicating that the discussion was over.

* * *

She knew the Hero's face as well as she knew her own. She had seen it so many times in tapestries and illuminated tomes and old pictographs. Of course he changed slightly from life to life – an ear ring here, a stubbly beard there, his nose slightly narrower, his eyes slightly larger. But there was always something about him that remained distinctly _him_ – a glitter in his eyes and a lopsided smile and the confident way he carried himself.

She would stare at the pictures when no one was watching and wonder where he was, what he was doing, if she would ever find him, and what he would be like when she did. Did he have any idea of the destiny waiting for him? Was there any way that he could avoid the inevitable? Part of her hoped so. She didn't want to meet him and be rescued and fall in love and all that. At least, she didn't want to do it because she was _supposed_ to.

In the early years, the search for the Hero's reincarnation was relatively easy. One of the sages would take her to the perspective hero's home and he and the Princess would have a play date. The boy's mother and father and whatever sage was with her would watch them anxiously. The mother would offer tea and cake in attempts to soften up and impress her guests. The father would whisper advice to the boy when he thought the sage wouldn't notice. They watched the boy like vultures and they watched the Princess with baited breath, as though she would light on fire at any moment.

The Princess had no idea what was going on. She would turn shy with the sudden attention of eager strangers and the bored face of the boy with whom she had nothing in common.

* * *

"What did you think of little Madthis?" the Spirit Sage had asked on the way home from one such visit. "Did you like playing with his trucks?"

She had turned to look out the window at the passing field. "He was… alright."

"Just alright?"

"He didn't really let me play with his trucks."

The sage had raised an eyebrow before turning back to the road with a frown.

The girl had bit her lip, second guessing what it was that the sage wanted to hear. "Will we have to go back there?" Her eyes had pled and her shoulders had hunched to make herself small.

"No. I don't think we will."

* * *

When she grew older, she took a more hands-on role in finding the Hero. The sages set her up in various situations to get close to whatever boy they were considering at the time. She would get to know them then report back that he definitely did not hold the Triforce of Courage and she was most certainly not impressed with him. The Princess enjoyed these excursions as they were a break from her repetitive lifestyle, even if she didn't care too much for the prospective Heroes.

There was the boy at the prep school who was arrogant and loud. There was the miller's apprentice who was exceptionally shy. There was the noble's son who was vacationing at Lake Hylia and was overly competitive and sarcastic.

The idea was that the Princess and the Hero shared a sacred bond and she would be able to feel it radiating from the boy like the heat from the sun. The idea was also that if the boy knew that he was a Hero candidate, he would surely attempt some kind of terrible trickery to entice or confuse the Princess and gain the title.

The Princess doubted that anyone would do that. People weren't that mean. And why would they want to be the Hero anyway? It was just a lot of running about with a _sword_ of all things.

As for the sacred bond… well that was just silly.

Years of the Princess failing to identify the Hero just added fuel to the fire. The sages secretly worried that not only did they have the wrong girl, but they had already passed over the true Hero. When they found the true Zelda, they would have to go back at start their search from the beginning.

* * *

Her life really began when she found the Hero. It sounds stupid to phrase it that way - as if one boy could so drastically change her life. But in a way it was true. When she found the Hero, she began her first acts of subterfuge, and she took control of her life for the first time.

She became his friend. She learned about his life, his past, his hopes, his interests, his dreams. He taught her to laugh. He made her feel at ease. He made her feel… well, she wasn't quite sure what it was, but it was different and it was new and it was glorious.

It had never been so clear to her that something was missing from her life. And not just one something, but a great many somethings. She couldn't take those somethings away from the Hero. She couldn't wish the life she lead on anyone.

So when the Sages asked her what she thought of him, she told them quite simply that he was not the one. He was not the Hero, and they would have to keep looking.

She would continue to lead the Sages on a quest to find the Hero, which would be fruitless, and he would forget all about her and live his life in peace. The cycle would be broken. They would never find the Hero. The Hero would never kill Ganondorf. The Gerudo would not lose another son, another brother, another friend.

Maybe the people of Hyrule would see their mistreatment of the people of the desert. Maybe they would leave the next incarnation of the Princess alone, to live with her birth parents and never know loneliness. Maybe the Princess could save not just others, but herself in her next life.

Maybe. But probably not.

In all likelihood the Sages would banish her with the claim that she was not the real Princess. They would replace her with a false Princess. They would bring in a false Hero. They may murder the next Ganandorf with their own hands. It was all for show now anyway. It was all just the preservation of tradition. It was all just so the Sages could remain in power.

But she would try her best.

"Don't you see?" she asked the Hero as she spoke to him for the last time. "I can't get away now. But you – you can escape destiny. I can save you."

The corner of his mouth quirked into a sad smile. "You've got it backwards. Isn't the Hero supposed to save the Princess?"

"Not this time," she said. "This time things will be different."

The back of her hand began to glow.


End file.
